Tripping Toddlers is a Victimless Crime
A Study On The Ethics Of Intented Gait Interruption In Children Between The Ages Of 2 To 4 Yrs
Cognitive Benefits
- Toddlers will likely not retain memory of the experience, and not produce a traumatic event
- Tripping is a lesson in humility. Don’t let the world be ruled by little bitch toddlers
The Toddler Will Not Experience Any Physical Pain
Toddlers are not very tall. Therefore, their velocity upon impact will be low, and by extension so too shall the probability of injury.
At 23 months of age, the average male toddler has a height \(\Delta x = 0.869m\). Suppose the initial velocity \(v_0 = 0 \frac{m}{s}\) and gravitational acceleration of \(9.81 \frac{m}{s^2}\), then the velocity of the top of the toddler's head \(v\) may be estimated as $$v^2 = v_0^2 + 2a\Delta a$$ $$v = \sqrt{0^2 + 2(9.81)(0.869)}$$ $$v = 4.12\frac{m}{s}$$
Impact velocity for bruising is \(69.1 \pm 2.78 \frac{m}{s}\); the toddler will therefore walk away unbruised. This finding is supported by recommendations from the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, which recommends seeking medical attention for toddlers only if they have sustained injury from a fall of over 3 feet (\(\approx 0.91m\)).
Unexpected Tripping Will Help Improve The Toddler’s Balance And Reflexes
According to Okubo et al exposure to unpredicted trips while walking can improve balance recovery responses with minimum predictive gait alterations. Improving the ability to trip in controlled situations will help prepare toddlers for trips in more dangerous environments, like on stairs.
Legal Guardians Will Not Believe The Toddler When Told They Were Intentionally Tripped By Another Adult
73% of surveyed adults reported that they would not believe a toddler that told them they had been intentionally tripped by an adult; the tripper would be safe from repercussions.
Advice For Toddler Trippers
✓ DO's!
- Do trip toddlers in crowded public spaces to make the source of disrupted gait harder to determine
✗ DONT's!
- Do not trip the same toddler twice. Similarly, do not trip multiple toddlers with the same legal guardian. This may be perceived as a pattern and make hiding intent difficult
- Do not trip multiple toddlers in the same area within a short period of time
- Trip toddlers near obstacles (like ponds or medium sized rocks) as this could increase speed at impact and produce a memorable event